Going on nine, b#tches!

21 Jun

1:46 am

Nine mofo days.  Well, going on.  And, man, that bottle of red at the top of my wine rack is lookin’ purdy damn tasty.

No, I didn’t blog last night and yes, I bought a bottle of red on my way home from another super-sweateous hot yoga class, but NO, I did not drink it!  Not one drop.  Sure, I thought (and probably dreamt) about it, but somehow my willpower sustained me through the gong of midnight.  As it has tonight, to my amazement!  (In fact, I can almost feel the release of the craving, as if it moves off me like a wave receding from the sand with every spin of that second hand around the clock.  The further away from midnight I get, the easier it is to buck up for another day of sobriety.  AND, be happy and grateful about that simple fact.)

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight, and he gave me some good advice, mainly, The cravings are never going to go away, it’s just going to get easier to deal with them.  I think he’s majorly right, and that kind of majorly sucks.  Tonight, for some reason, my craving is more intense than it has been since I quit, but not unbearable or out of control.

My friend suggested switching up my routine, too, becoming more of a morning person.  Work out or do yoga at 7 am, and I bet that by 10 or 11 pm, you’ll be too tired to even think about drinking, let alone stay up to do it.  I might give that a shot; what do I have to lose?  The thing is, I’m a night owl and my “witching” hour(s) always involved sipping a glass or six of red while relaxing into the day finally being over; or, settling into a few hours of “me” time, which, to be frank, had become much less about me and more about the excuse to get drunk.

I still want to drink, but…tonight, I guess I do feel stronger, more rational.  Like, I can definitely feel my brain centering itself, no longer TOTALLY tilted to the left in favor of drinking.  It’s more…leaning to the right, with thoughts that are becoming louder, like:

If you drink, you’ll fuck up your EIGHT DAYS OF SOBRIETY.  NO!

If you drink, you won’t be able to see what it’s like after eight days, and…you’ll have to go through another eight days to get here again!  NO!

If you drink, you won’t lose that wine gut!  NO!  NO!

If you drink, you won’t be able to be that self-righteous prick at the wedding next weekend, the one who gets to look down on everyone automatically assuming she’s going to get shitfaced and do something retarded, and say, Ohhh, no thanks.  I had my last drink on my birthday, a whole 18 days ago.  NO!  NO!  NO!

If you drink, it won’t feel better for long.  And, the down will feel worse than what you’re feeling now.  I’ve been creeping closer and closer to full acceptance of the reality that, When you drink, you go up, but then you come down.  And you feel even more down because you’ve been high.  I’d rather just stay low, to be honest.  That way, there is no crash, no reality check, no down.

If other people I know can do it, I can, too, damn it.


7 Responses to “Going on nine, b#tches!”

  1. mrsgenie2001 September 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

    I am hanging on every word in this post. I am 2 days sober, so I’m just finishing up the second day of feeling like ass. I’ve been crying all day (maybe that’s how the liquor is escaping my body ). Anyway this is the post that I will read for the next 6 days. Because I want to know what day nine feels like damn-it!!!

  2. mrsgenie2001 September 8, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

    I am hanging on every word in this post. I am just 2 days sober, so I’m just finishing up the second day of feeling like ass. I’ve been crying all day (maybe that’s how the liquor is escaping my body). Anyway this is the post that I will read for the next 6 days. Because I want to know what day nine feels like damn-it!!! Thank you DDG for documenting this journey. Hopefully I’m waking up to day nine, when your waking up to day 180!!!

    • mrsgenie2001 September 8, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

      Sorry for the double post, it was my first try.

  3. Mikaela August 31, 2016 at 2:59 pm #

    I just found this blog, as I am desperate, searching for help via the privacy of the Internet. I have not yet begun my journey but I plan to after this weekend. (Alcoholics can always find excuses to drink another day but I feel a funeral ranks among the best of them so pardon me while I bury yet another friend due to addiction) So the diet starts on Monday. Anyway, I’m happy I found your blog, as it seems I am on the exact same path you were once on and it gives me hope to see you succeed. I am a 40 year old female who loves loves loves red wine. I call myself a writer, however, I haven’t written much in a long time. Mostly because I’ve been too busy being drunk. And then when I do write, I get frustrated because I can’t remember how to spell simple words and simple grammar is all but lost. So I get upset but a bottle of wine makes me forget that I was upset. But in my few sobering moments I understand the damage that I am doing and I realize that something needs to change, once and for all. I found your blog simply by googling “alcoholic woman 40’s liver damage” or something to that affect. I started from the beginning because that is where I’m at. I look forward to reading all about your journey; I feel it will offer guidance along the way. Thank you for sharing.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl August 31, 2016 at 9:48 pm #

      Aw, you are welcome! Reach out anytime if you want a sober buddy…

  4. Betsy November 14, 2016 at 4:16 pm #

    Ok, here I am 4 days sober and loving and hanging on to every word of your blog. I sooooo relate to your feelings. I am reading 2 – 3 days blogging at a time because I want to see if I feel as you did. Can’t wait for my day 9 B#itches

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 15, 2016 at 3:49 pm #

      GREAT! Love that people are still reading it… I need to start writing more–so, so much to look forward to sober, not just the getting sober part! Stay strong–you got this!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


I got sober. Life got big.

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

parking lot pushups

Because I will be stronger.

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Life Out of the Box

Buy a product, help a person in need + see your impact.

Laurie Works

Intuitive Tarot Guidance

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol


Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend


the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park


-Postcards from The Cauldron

Guitars and Life

Blog about life by a music obsessed middle aged recovering alcoholic from South East England


A woman's journey to happiness and health

Sober Identity

#Life Coach #50+ Years #Striving #Thriving #Emerge: Growing From Addiction-Starter's Guide" #AfterRehabCoaching


This WordPress.com site is about hope, trauma, hypocrisy, and transformation.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

married to an alcoholic

life with an alcoholic husband

Life Unbuzzed

Rowing my sober boat gently down the stream


Original Goal: 100 Days of Sobriety - New Goal: 200 Days

Sober Grace

Finding and practicing grace in recovery

Mended Musings

Healing, Feeling, Thriving

Brandy Shock Treatment

Therapy for an alcoholic

Stinkin' Thinkin'

muckraking the 12-step industry

Sober Politico

Young and Sober, Surrounded by Egos and Alcohol

Carrie On Sober

A blog to help keep me on the right track...

My Healing Recovery

Healing from the inside

The Sober Journalist

A blog about quietly getting sober


My Desire for a New and Better Life

Arash Recovery

My journey to get back on my feet


Mixed-up, Mashed-up, Mished-up.

The Party Doesn't Leave the Girl

a memoir of sobriety...today.


I'm not really here.

Below Her Means

a little of everything.


There are no coincidences.

The Red Sox Saved My Life

A peek into the recovery of another drunk.


Just another WordPress.com site

The Existential Addict

One choice at a time...

Al K Hall-ic Anonymous

Get With The Program.


How gratitude has helped me stay sober, "one day at a time."

Living Life In Control

A journey into taking control of life and seeing what's on the other side of the mountain

A Life Less Scripted

Adventure Travel

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

%d bloggers like this: