Drunky Drunk Girl says, It’s time for some new friends!

9 Jul

1:06 am

Hmm.  I’m happy — starting to feel content, I guess — to be going on a record number of days sober (today is 27!), but I feel sad.  For the second time in a week, I’ve hung out with a friend who just doesn’t seem to dig my sobriety — even my attempt at it is perceived as threatening.  Time for some new friends!

At the wedding, the guy friend I was sharing a hotel room with was none too happy, I felt, about me not drinking.  In the past (how it’s “always been”), me getting shitfaced made it easier for him to get shitfaced, and justify getting shitfaced.  Me getting shitfaced made it easier for him to hit on me and me to somehow convince myself that I wanted him to do so.  Take away the booze on my part, and the whole game seems sort of pathetic.  AND, it was clear to me how this person chose to be irritated over happy for me about quitting — he spent the entire time either one, refusing to acknowledge my sober attempt (not one comment or question re: why I wasn’t drinking, and that’s ODD, considering that it’s ME!) or two, seemingly rubbing it in my face by ordering a fucking drink EVERY time we sat down long enough for him to do so (I’m surprised he didn’t suggest buying a few six packs for the room!).

It’s not a big deal to me as we’re not that close and really, we don’t have much in common.  Yet, I can’t help but dwell on my own clarity:  it’s ME who’s approaching the situation differently, not them, and that makes a big difference.  I mean, it’s pretty obvious to others that when drunks stop drinking, they stop hanging out with their drunk friends.  Similar here in that, with the payoff gone (getting drunk due to having someone to drink with), I clearly see no reason to cultivate a deeper relationship with my friend.  I also saw his behavior as a reaction to feeling threatened, whether because he felt he was drinking too much or that he realized that I was rejecting him, or both.

My other friend is the one whom I sensed was trying to “undermine” my sobriety the other night.  Turns out, it’s more like, undermine my success and happiness!  A clear case of hating on me to make herself feel better.  Age-old scenario, but the question I have to ask is, why?  What purpose does it serve her? Going back many years, no doubt we shared a LOT of times, good and bad.  However, what kept us together was being drinking buddies.  I was the one she could call, she has told me, and count on to join her at a moment’s notice for a beer or ten.  AND, after many drunken blackouts and rages, she kept me because I was valuable to her self-esteem:  me, a deeply “flawed,” fucked up friend who, despite her many awesome qualities, would never show my friend up.  She feels better about herself due to my drunken retardedness. Minus the booze?  Well, I don’t think she knows what to think or how to react, so she falls back on putting me down, or making me feel not that awesome.

Without the booze, I just can’t fall for it anymore.  Plus, I’m a good 3 or 4 years distanced from our intense friendship, and I see much more clearly how deeply she misses the point:  my volunteer friends admire and “see” me; my family and other family friends see my deeper side.  I hide it from this person, and I think that I always have because I sensed her gaping insecurities — this is a powerful me, one that has a lot to offer, isn’t cynical, doesn’t drink.  That sucks, especially when the best of friendships are really about that person always being on your side, seeing your best traits, and making those come out every time you hang out!

Again, my approach has changed, I’ve matured, and I’m ready to simply move the fuck on.  I spend so much time dealing with my negativities and my cravings these days that I just can’t get into longwinded melodramas.  Like, this friend will go on and on about some guy she thinks might have said or did this or that, possibly with the intent of lying but who knows?  Blah blah blah.  I really can’t care.  I really can’t.  It’s too easy to get sucked into this misery-loves-company play for my attention, but really, I don’t love misery!  Not anymore!  I want out of the cave, not deeper in!

Moving on is sad, especially when you’ve realized that no matter how many GREAT drinking times you’ve had, hilarious and sometimes poignant stories and encounters and dramas, drinking buddies start and end as just that.  There are so many other, BETTER connections to be made, ones that yield real stories, real dramas.

(Yet…I cherish this person’s friendship, and it wasn’t just built on drinking.  Evolving then, this friendship, and not ending…)

Advertisements

6 Responses to “Drunky Drunk Girl says, It’s time for some new friends!”

  1. thirteenpointoneandone July 9, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    Wow. I can totally relate to this entire post. I just quit drinking 37 days ago. I can not agree more about finding new friends. It’s really tough trying to stay friends with people you only ever knew as drinking buddies. I’m facing the exact same thing. thanks for the post

    -Britt

    • drunkydrunkgirl July 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

      Hi, Britt!
      Thanks for reading…and your inspiring comment. The more I hang with people who were really just drinkin’ buddies, the clearer it gets. What irks me the most is that more than one of these so-called friends like me better a hot, drunken mess. It’s like, they’d prefer the old, hurting me to the new and improved one — for totally selfish reasons! Anyway, GOOD FOR YOU on making the connections so early in your “drinking life!” Stay strong!

      • thirteenpointoneandone July 10, 2012 at 1:04 am #

        It’s true. I’m glad i’m making the change now. Looking back at all the time wasted is a wake up call! I never did anything but go to the bars. I want to do REAL stuff, awesome stuff to look back when I get old! It’s going to be so much better!

  2. Pablo Pirieda July 18, 2012 at 11:15 pm #

    You make a great point. Got some great info here. I think that if more people thought about it that way, they’d have a better time get the hang ofing the issue.

  3. belowhermeans January 24, 2013 at 5:28 am #

    I could have written this sentence, I relate to it so much: “I hide it from this person, and I think that I always have because I sensed her gaping insecurities — this is a powerful me, one that has a lot to offer, isn’t cynical, doesn’t drink. ”

    Beautiful.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl January 27, 2013 at 11:42 pm #

      Thank you! Yeah…it was a very sad truth to realize, as her treatment of me was drastically different–and noticeably hostile–when I quit. It’s OK, I don’t have to hang onto any of it, though. Onward… 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

parking lot pushups

Because I will be stronger.

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Life Out of the Box

Buy a product, help a person in need + see your impact.

Laurie Works

My Resilience Story

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

New Adventures of the Old Me...

A Woman,Mother, and Wife, makeing sense of life...

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol

soberjessie

Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend

mentalrollercoaster

the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park

TRUDGING THROUGH THE FIRE

-Postcards from The Cauldron

Guitars and Life

Blog about life by a music obsessed middle aged recovering alcoholic from South East England

changingcoursenow

A woman's journey to happiness and health

Sober Identity

Sober Identity #Life Coach #The 50+ Years #Striving #Thriving #38-Empowering Affirmations #"Emerge: Growing From Addiction-Starter's Guide" #AfterRehabCoaching #Motivate

WELL CALL ME CRAZY

This WordPress.com site is about hope, trauma, hypocrisy, and transformation.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

Growing Up Chaotic

A blog about getting sober

married to an alcoholic

life with an alcoholic husband

Life Unbuzzed

Rowing my sober boat gently down the stream

ChardonNo!

Original Goal: 100 Days of Sobriety - New Goal: 200 Days

Sober Grace

Finding and practicing grace in recovery

IRETA

Institute for Research, Education & Training in the Addictions

Mended Musings

Healing, Feeling, Thriving

Brandy Shock Treatment

Therapy for an alcoholic

Stinkin' Thinkin'

muckraking the 12-step industry

Sober Politico

Young and Sober, Surrounded by Egos and Alcohol

Carrie On Sober

A blog to help keep me on the right track...

My Healing Recovery

Healing from the inside

Soberbia

A blog about getting sober

Mrs D Is Going Without

A blog about getting sober

The Sober Journalist

A blog about quietly getting sober

mysterygirlunknown

My Desire for a New and Better Life

Message in a Bottle

Swimming in Big Chunks of Truth

Arash Recovery

My journey to get back on my feet

Mished-up

Mixed-up, Mashed-up, Mished-up.

The Party Doesn't Leave the Girl

a memoir of sobriety...today.

Good2begone

I'm not really here.

Below Her Means

a little of everything.

themiracleisaroundthecorner

There are no coincidences.

The Red Sox Saved My Life

A peek into the recovery of another drunk.

1800ukillme

Just another WordPress.com site

The Existential Addict

One choice at a time...

Al K Hall-ic Anonymous

Get With The Program.

thinkingaboutgratitude

How gratitude has helped me stay sober, "one day at a time."

Living Life In Control

A journey into taking control of life and seeing what's on the other side of the mountain

A Life Less Scripted

Adventure Travel

%d bloggers like this: