it’s a miracle? The fact that I’ve only drunk about nine or 10 times since June 13th can’t be explained otherwise, can it? Maybe I’d just had enough.
Well, I’m working. Yay! A goal made real. I have two ongoing writing gigs and a possible third coming up on Thursday, all through “word of mouth” (or, friends of friends, coworkers of coworkers). Imagine what I could do if I actually put the work into pitching, reporting, and writing? All in due time. I beat myself up a lot, nothing is ever good enough. I want wine now, to deal with that feeling, but I know I don’t, can’t, and refuse anyway, so there. Fuck off, wolf!
My boyfriend is going to take me to my first (well, second) AA meeting (on the island) tonight, at a church downtown. It’s a woman’s meeting. Yes, I’m feeling a bit…uncomfortable, but I can do it. I mean, if I can get through:
moving out of [cold west coast city] and leaving a/my “life” behind (though, I still have my storage unit in [cold east coast city], so if all else fails, I could always move into that ;));
spending a week with first, my mom, then, my dad;
receiving and replying to nasty hate-mail from my brother’s gf (and the whole situation coming to a head…);
settling into a new life living with someone (gulp);
I CAN DEFINITELY HANDLE INTRODUCING MYSELF AS A DRUNK WHO WANTS TO NOT BE ONE.
Anyway, will check back in later, friends!
(Once again, this morning, I realized how awesome it is to have this community. And, it never would have happened if I hadn’t made the initiative to get sober. Where it came from, I still don’t know. The closest approximation I can make is, I had had enough.)