Not much to say beyond that. Sure, I want to drink and no, I don’t believe having people to “call” when I want to down wine is going to help — it never has yet — but I’m willing to give it a shot.
When I shared, I mainly did it to let people know that I wasn’t sure how to proceed after getting sober. And, I’m sad — nay, heartbroken — over losing my go-to coping mechanism. I can’t drink anymore, so now what? Life is grand, so now what? I’ve moved and am working, so now what? For me, being sober and sobriety are two entirely separate realities: like, yeah, of course, two months down the line, three months, four months, whatever it’s been, the cravings have subsided; even the obsession seems to be lifting. That’s because I know that wine isn’t what I really want, or need, and most importantly, no longer does the trick. So, why waste time trying to fix “it” with a broken tool?
(I didn’t always feel this way — see my earlier posts — so I guess that’s progress. BUT, I have made this progress on my own…)
The cravings and the pity party aside, I still look at that first step and go, so, how does this relate to getting sober and Sobriety, with a capital S. Life? Powerless over booze, life unmanageable. Sure. So, maybe I have put down the drink. That doesn’t mean that I have any more answers to my questions to life, to the grind than I ever did or ever will. Does AA provide any more than a community of fellow seekers then?
I am just not sure how free therapy and a fellow community is going to erase my drinking problem. I drink to medicate, as we all do. HOW WILL BITCHING TO OTHERS MAKE THAT GO AWAY? So far, I’ve bitched a lot to others, and while it might make the cravings easier to deal with, it doesn’t take them away. AA is not a cure, then. Perhaps it’s more of a crutch, something to help you manage.
Meh. Getting sober is hard work. Sobriety, then, will be continuous hard work.
Raaaaaaambling. I owe you a bunch of posts, but today I have a full day’s work to do (good) and it’s HOT. I’m not used it yet.
There is an AA meeting at 5:30, so I guess I’ll “plan my day” around that. “Keep coming back.” Blah blah blah. I really don’t feel like going, at this very moment of writing. Oh, well, going to put on a fake face and pretend. I’m a journalist, this is old hat to me! 😉 (Plus, it’s a good way to meet people here, if anything else.)