AA meeting, you’re ruining my schedule; I have shit to do!

10 Nov

3:58 pm

ARG.

And, I’m at 30 days today! Yay for me. Now, can we move on?

For some reason, I don’t want to let people at AA know it’s my 30 days today. I might not. I guess it’s just that this is, and always will be — and is becoming more and more so — a private affair. No matter how much talking and sharing there is (I have only shared once here and that was at a women’s meeting; I talk to people AFTER the meetings, and I have made some friends, on a positive note), it’s still private, my own. I don’t care to let anyone know anymore that I’m sober/getting sober, based on the reaction I got this summer when I told people and they reacted negatively or with indifference. I also feel like I’ve come a long way, going to these meetings as a form of therapy: it really doesn’t matter to me if anyone knows, the only pat on the shoulder I need is from myself.

I’ll probably force myself to take the chip and let people know, but… I really don’t want to.

I guess I’m an impatient person; but, when one has a million things to do BESIDES DRINKING — and when one finally realizes this and wants to bust a move and do something about it — going to a meeting and listening to people talk about their “disease” and about “not drinking no matter what;” well, it just seems like a waste of time. And, I find myself having to schedule — and disrupt — my day around it. Like, by the time I get my day rolling, I’ve got to go to this meeting. Which when all is said and done will take three hours, not one, counting driving there, errands (why not, I’m en route), etc.

ARG.

Whatever. There are much larger things to bitch and moan about, but still. I want to do shit, not heal, damn it! 😉

So, another day where I will have done nothing, really, but hit a meeting and not drink. Well, I walked the dog to the ocean, which was gorgeous (and I was sober and not hung over, which, if I painfully recall, I was the last time I was down at this beach = oof, that hangover hurt like a mofo). In fact, sitting there is going to be a trigger for me, mainly because I want to be doing other stuff that does not involve drinking, talking about drinking, or not drinking.

90 meetings in 90 days? I am definitely counting them down, and don’t plan to go to any more after I hit 90. While it’s helping, I likely would not go if I was only doing it for myself. Luckily, I can think beyond my immediate “wants” again and just do it, even if I don’t really know why.

9 meetings today, 30 days today!

Now, can we move on?

Advertisements

6 Responses to “AA meeting, you’re ruining my schedule; I have shit to do!”

  1. Just Some Woman November 10, 2012 at 11:07 pm #

    Congratulations on your 30 days. Sometimes I think the main reason to pick up a chip is to show others (maybe someone that’s desparate and only has 1 day) that it CAN be done.

    I don’t want to go to my meetiing tonight. I’d rather stay home and watch TV. Or play on the computer. Or read. Or sleep. But they say the main time to go to a meeting is when you don’t want to. So I will. Or i may find myself back to drinking compulsively and that’s very fucking scary to me.

    I’m going to Las Vegas Thursday. There will be a lot of drinking going on in those casinos. Will I have jealousy pangs? For awhile. But I’ll get over it. I’ll have 11 months in a couple of days and I’m still at the stage where I think about it. But when i think it THROUGH I realize how fucked up things could get with me. With us. Because we’re all in this together when you get right down to it. We think different and we drink different form “normal ” people. Just the luck of the draw I guess!

    Hang in thre Drunky Drunk Girl…you’ve come further than you know.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 11, 2012 at 11:03 pm #

      I really appreciate your comments! Thanks, and thanks for taking me out of my head and realizing that YES, it might benefit someone other than myself to have made 30. In fact, there was a guy at the meeting last night who was on day 1, and I hope that my chip signified hope to him. Yup, thinking it through is essential, and hard work, I must say. But, I’ll be damned if I’m caving before my 90 days, and, at 90, I’m *hoping* I’ll feel stronger and even more committed (and not even caring about drinking) than I do at 30. 🙂

  2. Al K Hall November 11, 2012 at 4:02 pm #

    Good for you on your 30 Days! i so understand about how meetings can be a pain the ass, but still i go, especially when i feel like i’m losing my center. Anyway, i’m glad to hear you’re doing so well!

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 11, 2012 at 8:50 pm #

      Thank you! It’s so nice to have the support, from the web and AA meetings. There’s something to it, I’ve found — the community, the people understanding where you’re coming from, and everyone taking it as seriously as you. I ended up taking my 30-day chip, along with a hug and some applause, and it made me realize, Hell yeah, this is a GOOD thing (even if no one else really cares or knows, for that matter, among my non-sober friends and/or family)! Here’s to 31… 🙂

  3. Belle (Tired2012) November 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

    hooray hooray for you 🙂 it it’s working, don’t change anything 🙂 keep the sober car rolling no matter what. I also (now) feel like i’ve got this gigantic long list of things i need to do, now that i’m sober, and it’s truly a very wonderful feeling (if at times a bit manic). So glad you’ve found the beginnings of a new life sans booze. If you think this rocks, just wait, it gets better and better (and easier and easier)! can’t wait to celebrate 90 days with ya. Did i say hooray yet? Hooray Hooray for you 🙂

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 11, 2012 at 8:47 pm #

      Thanks, Belle! I honestly could not have done it without your and other bloggers’ support. It does feel different this time, like I’ve committed and am just going to see where it takes me. I have so many new thoughts about sobriety, but also about what to do next. Being alive isn’t all that irritating all the time anymore either. :))) 90, here I come!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

parking lot pushups

Because I will be stronger.

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Life Out of the Box

Buy a product, help a person in need + see your impact.

Laurie Works

Intuitive Tarot Guidance

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

New Adventures of the Old Me...

A Woman,Mother, and Wife, makeing sense of life...

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol

soberjessie

Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend

mentalrollercoaster

the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park

TRUDGING THROUGH THE FIRE

-Postcards from The Cauldron

Guitars and Life

Blog about life by a music obsessed middle aged recovering alcoholic from South East England

changingcoursenow

A woman's journey to happiness and health

Sober Identity

Sober Identity #Life Coach #The 50+ Years #Striving #Thriving #38-Empowering Affirmations #"Emerge: Growing From Addiction-Starter's Guide" #AfterRehabCoaching #Motivate

WELL CALL ME CRAZY

This WordPress.com site is about hope, trauma, hypocrisy, and transformation.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

married to an alcoholic

life with an alcoholic husband

Life Unbuzzed

Rowing my sober boat gently down the stream

ChardonNo!

Original Goal: 100 Days of Sobriety - New Goal: 200 Days

Sober Grace

Finding and practicing grace in recovery

IRETA

Institute for Research, Education & Training in the Addictions

Mended Musings

Healing, Feeling, Thriving

Brandy Shock Treatment

Therapy for an alcoholic

Stinkin' Thinkin'

muckraking the 12-step industry

Sober Politico

Young and Sober, Surrounded by Egos and Alcohol

Carrie On Sober

A blog to help keep me on the right track...

My Healing Recovery

Healing from the inside

The Sober Journalist

A blog about quietly getting sober

mysterygirlunknown

My Desire for a New and Better Life

Arash Recovery

My journey to get back on my feet

Mished-up

Mixed-up, Mashed-up, Mished-up.

The Party Doesn't Leave the Girl

a memoir of sobriety...today.

Good2begone

I'm not really here.

Below Her Means

a little of everything.

themiracleisaroundthecorner

There are no coincidences.

The Red Sox Saved My Life

A peek into the recovery of another drunk.

1800ukillme

Just another WordPress.com site

The Existential Addict

One choice at a time...

Al K Hall-ic Anonymous

Get With The Program.

thinkingaboutgratitude

How gratitude has helped me stay sober, "one day at a time."

Living Life In Control

A journey into taking control of life and seeing what's on the other side of the mountain

A Life Less Scripted

Adventure Travel

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

UnPickled Blog

How I Secretly Quit My Secret Habit of Secretly Drinking

%d bloggers like this: