Home *from* the holidays: tired, but still sober!

24 Nov

11:57 am

My boyfriend and I spent three nights in Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving, which is why I’ve been offline for the past few days.

It was a packed, fun-filled trip, which included a visit to the Arecibo Observatory; a tour of the Rio Camuy Cave Park (underground limestone cave system); a night in Ponce; a visit to the Ponce Museum of Art, which, to my gleeful surprise, is the home of one of my favorite paintings, Flaming June; and a puertorican-style turkey dinner at a hotel on the Ponce town square. Among other awesome, vacation-y things. 😉

All in all, a great time. And, no drinky drink!

I have to admit, I did have a few mood swings; I’m not sure if it’s the 6 weeks sober affecting me, or if I really did want to drink and was just having mental tantrums, but man. All of the sudden, a negative thought would hit me, it would roll into a ball of thoughts, and before I knew it, I was a grump! Then, it would pass. At one point, I got Way Too Hungry and nearly had a meltdown, like a child. I used to always be able to manage my hunger (to a ridiculous extent, actually — I could go all day, hiking around a foreign city, without food), so this was weird.

I also really, really, really wanted to drink while we were eating our TG dinner at the hotel (Holidays = wine, right?) and then again while watching Flight, the new Denzel Washington flick, at a local cinema. Oh, well, is all I can think of to say. It comes, it goes. It’s not easy. There is no magic bullet “protecting” me against my urge to drink, and all the temporary emotions that come with it. However, the key word here is *temporary.* (Btw, I found it more than a tad offensive how proselytizing the film was re: drinking and AA. JESUS, we get it. Bad shit happens to drunks and addicts. I don’t know, maybe it pissed me off more than I’d like to admit to see everyone and their uncle “beat up” on Denzel’s character; I mean, YES, he made egregious mistakes, but the film made it obvious that alcoholism is a disease, and not a choice, so what the hell?).

Instead of a 30-minute flight back, it turned into over two hours flight time: our plane couldn’t land due to weather and wind (Ugh! Talk about channeling the movie!), so we had to fly back to San Juan after circling over [beautiful island] for about 20 minutes — in a lot of turb — and then deplane, and then re-board and fly back to [beautiful island]!

I’m here now, and feeling more tired than I think I should! Like, I just want to retreat, re-collect myself, and avoid AA and people and anything (holidays, films like Flight) that tempt me into thinking, Oh, come on, Just One Glass wouldn’t hurt

Though, on the very bright side: on Thanksgiving morning I woke up at 9, worked out in the hotel’s gym by 10, took a dip in the pool and then the hot tub, had my coffee, packed, and got on the road to Ponce all by 1! I ONLY could have done that because I was/am sober — and it felt amazing beyond words. Really. Despite the moodiness and fleeting desire to imbibe, waking up sober and knowing that there is nothing that is worth drinking over is wonderful. It sets a long road ahead, rather than cutting it off at the corner in a dusty cul-de-sac.

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19 Responses to “Home *from* the holidays: tired, but still sober!”

  1. sswl November 24, 2012 at 5:47 pm #

    I was so happy to read this post, DDG. Vacations and holidays, especially in combination, can be such triggers for people, and you handled them brilliantly!

    The mood swings are par for the course in early sobriety. I think it’s partly that you’re not numbing the moods, and partly that your body’s adjusting to life without alcohol, so blood sugar etc. are more unstable for awhile. I used to carry around fruit or a granola bar to dampen the swing a bit. Try not to go without food for too long.

    Love the pics! It sounds like a great holiday (except for all the circling in the sky–funny about the movie). Congratulations on meeting the challenges!

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 25, 2012 at 9:09 pm #

      Thanks for this, means a lot. This was the first time in a long, long time, I guess, that I went INTO a vacation knowing that I would not be drinking. It sort of snuck up on me, the urge, though, so that was what sucked.

      The mood swings… I think I’m going to have to be stronger and just get used to dealing with them a bit better. They were what always triggered me to drink before, so I recognize the pattern(s) — only (BIG) difference is that I have to endure them/think my way out of them now, and not use booze to avoid dealing. BUT, that’s a GOOD thing; now, I see, that if I want to get out of this, I have to simply go through it. It will get better, I know.

      Yes, great holiday. Hope you had a fab turkey day! xx

  2. waynemali November 24, 2012 at 7:58 pm #

    I remember having the same mood swings and low points, I used to have a draw full of chocolate bars at work, just to give me a boost when I felt low and was getting short with my colleagues.

    I learnt to manage in the end and when the withdrawals finally went it was a lot more managable, the long and the short of it is, It Will Get Better.
    Wayne

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 25, 2012 at 9:05 pm #

      Thanks! Yes, I have hope, and only hope, that it Will Get Better! And, I’ve decided to keep bananas and energy bars around me at all times! 🙂 Thanks for your comment, love it!

  3. Al K Hall November 24, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    i hear a lot about HALT in the rooms, meaning we need to be vigilant when we start to feel Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired because that’s when we’re most vulnerable. i too find i have to eat more regularly now than i did when i was drinking.

    But those moments like the one you described when you woke and swam… i had one of those last night meeting up with my son and it’s those seemingly little things that are so huge. Good for you, it’s good for you!

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 25, 2012 at 9:04 pm #

      Yes, I’ve head of HALT, too, and am keeping it at the front of my mind these days. However, it seems that I’m almost always a little of one or all of them — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired…

      Loved reading your post. It really is those “little” moments when you realize, Wow, this is GOOD. Someone who hasn’t been in our shoes can’t really understand that feeling of elation over the simple act of living according to our personal integrity — finally.

      Thanks for your shout out, means a LOT to me! Hugs!

  4. Mrs D November 25, 2012 at 5:29 am #

    Congrats on 6 weeks! Awesome. Sounds like you’re doing really well. Look forward to following your progress in this crazy sphere we call SoberLand! Just had a flick through your blog and your honestly and openess is fantastic, as is your way with words. Great stuff. Sending thoughts and strength from afar (New Zealand).. we are all better than that bastard booze!! xxxx

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 25, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

      Hi, Mrs. D!
      Glad to have you following! Yes, it IS crazy, but you’re right, we are all so much better without booze, and better for it! Look forward to following you as well, from across the pond times two. 🙂

  5. belowhermeans November 25, 2012 at 5:10 pm #

    I just found your blog and I’m so glad. A lot of this hit home with me. I’ve subscribed and look forward to getting to know you more!

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 25, 2012 at 8:53 pm #

      Awesome! Welcome to my little, angst-ridden world. 😉 At least it’s a sober world, though!

  6. Belle (Tired2012) November 26, 2012 at 9:01 am #

    go, go, go 🙂 while some days may suck, most (sober) days are glorious … if only because we’re sober! The GOOD days increase in frequency, and you’ll get to a place where you can’t imagine drinking because it would f*ck everything up! [seems rude to directly swear on your site, but you know me …] hooray for you 🙂

    • Drunky Drunk Girl November 27, 2012 at 2:08 am #

      Haha. Totally. I still very vividly remember what happens when I drink, so that’s good. I KNOW full well how fucked up shit will get if I drink — and how hung over I’ll be the next day. So…that cancels out my desire (or, I’m not even sure what to call it, not really desire anymore, actually) to drink! I can’t wait for the good days to just keep on coming…! Hooray for both of us! You must be well past 90 days by now…?

      • Belle (Tired2012) November 27, 2012 at 8:05 am #

        i am in fact having my month #5 anniversary today (quit date july 1st). today is day 150 🙂

      • Drunky Drunk Girl November 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm #

        WOW! That’s awesome, Belle! So amazing. Five months… Congrats. You deserve your own special unicorn-y treat! 😉

      • mysterygirlloveshernewlife November 28, 2012 at 3:58 am #

        For some reason, I can’t do a separate reply for a comment…and also I went to add your blog to my list and my security settings on my work computer are not letting me manage things in WordPress. Sounds like a GREAT vacation!!! And congrats on the awesome amount of time under your belt!

      • Drunky Drunk Girl November 29, 2012 at 2:22 am #

        Thanks! Yes, it feels good. Lately, I’ve been fantasizing a little much about wine — what it would be like. I need to reign it in again… but, yes, thank you!

  7. runningonsober December 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    I am sooo happy to read this! It has been such a pleasure following your progress and your highs and lows. You’ve come so far and you have grown so much.

    I’m at 19 months, and those feelings still come and go. I guess they always will, but it’s so nice to know that they eventually do pass.

    Very proud of you my friend. Keep on keeping on. *hugs*

    • Drunky Drunk Girl December 4, 2012 at 4:14 am #

      Aww, thanks RoS! Means a lot. Yes, I’m coming up on 8 weeks this Thursday, and I do feel A LOT different. Now, I’m ready to start working, start the real healing, I guess…

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Good for you, it’s good for you! « Al K Hall-ic Anonymous - November 25, 2012

    […] a little shout out to my sober buddy Drunky Drunk Girl, whose blog post inspired this […]

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