Mostly merry, all sober Christmas Day!

25 Dec

10:59 pm

What? Yes. Still sober. Sugared out, but still sober. I think I gained about five pounds in two days, but I’m still sober. 75 days and counting. Go, me!

And, the only sad things about today and yesterday were the somewhat minor but honestly, incessant, pangs to imbibe; and the memories of how horrible things were last Christmas due to my drinking. The memories don’t fade, which is extremely helpful to me: as they say in AA, remembering–feeling it, even–how bad it was keeps the incentive to stay sober evergreen.

I had a great few days. Lots of cooking, eating, talking, hanging, petting of dogs, hitting of beaches (well, I ran and hit the beach yesterday before our evening dinner party), etc. I mean, I felt, for the most part, GREAT not drinking. However, the longer I stay sober–and especially through days like today, where I actually felt a little left out, like I was the narc, the mother, the den leader, the dance’s chaperone–the more I see just how bad it was back then. The more I see just how bad *I* was. I was in serious denial for a long time! It’s only staying sober through it all, like holidays and times when it would be SO VERY NICE to have a glass of red wine, that I am allowed the view, y’know? Afforded the opportunity to see the subtle (in my mind) difference between “not that bad” and well, reality.

I mean, last Christmas? I spent it alone in [cold west coast city]. Alone in my studio, hung over from a ridiculous night out–also alone–which I barely have any recollection of except that I went to a Couchsurfing event almost blacked out; and eventually (after maybe going to a club, I don’t remember) brought home some dude who was thankfully NOT at my place when I woke up, completely clothed (including boots on) with a near-full bottle of Southern Comfort on my kitchen counter. (Was my blackout state not enough to clue him in that I really didn’t need anymore to drink? Maybe it was I who thought it was a good idea to buy it en route home that night because OF COURSE, it would be! I don’t even LIKE Southern Comfort! Ugh.) I spent most of Christmas Day in bed, and then forced myself to walk around, alone, in the cold, horrible [cold west coast city] fog, painfully pulling myself down hills and hoping to God(dess) that I didn’t have a panic attack in the middle of Chinatown.

This year? Worlds away. Entire galaxies. And, it makes me realize just how hurting I was.

Anyhoo, not to wallow, I just wanted to check in and say I MADE IT THROUGH another holiday of dinners and brunches SANS the grape! And, even though there were pangs, I am happy, calm, and proud to have just let them go. And, as always, they came and went and I’m still here, with my memory, pride, and self/spirit/soul intact! (I also probably saved myself thousands of calories; really, I am SO fucking full, I cannot imagine also having drunk red wine!)

I look forward to what the next 15 days, New Year’s Eve, and POST-90 looks like sober… 🙂 Merry Christmas, all!


6 Responses to “Mostly merry, all sober Christmas Day!”

  1. Belle (Tired2012) December 26, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    i check your blog every morning to see how you’re doing, to get some wisdom, and to (sometimes silently) celebrate in your success. today i’ll do it out loud. hooray hooray hooray for you. you rock. a lot. i also thought a bit about drinking through the holidays, but not really craving, just thinking… and now all is well again. they’re just thoughts, and we’re (you and me!) too busy to fuck with that kind of nonsense. there’s so much goodness and calm going on here. can’t fuck with that! (and everyone who isn’t ready to quit yet is in denial, i think it’s a perfectly adequate coping strategy if you’re not ready to change). and you are. and have. and now you have perspective. you can see back AND forward. rock on (did i say that already?)

    • Drunky Drunk Girl December 28, 2012 at 1:27 am #

      Oh, Belle, thank you for this. I really LOVE reading your blog (where have you been lately?) and love seeing your comments here. (Yeah, I’m actually having larger pangs now than during Xmas!) But, perfectly stated: too much goodness and calm going on here to fuck with it! And, cravings/pangs come and go, but that doesn’t mean that I have to drink, get hung over, and then start over again where I left off the previous day, does it? NO! 🙂 Goodness and calm and ROCKING ON. xxx

  2. Becky December 26, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    Proud of you. What an awesome post and a great way to spend Christmas, sober & happy. Looking back to the past memories are hard and your right, you need the reminders of how far you have come and how great sobriety feels. I am so looking forward to your 90 day post! Keep rocking girl!

    Merry Christmas!


    • Drunky Drunk Girl December 28, 2012 at 1:30 am #

      Hi, Becky,
      Thank you so much for your comment! The best part is: lately, I’ve been having pangs, but there is ONE thing I know for sure and that is, I am making it to 90 days, damn it! 🙂

      Yes, looking back is really hard, and I can totes see how some people cave after a little while being sober. After the head clears, the “being and staying sober” becomes the norm (without too much work), that’s when the memories, the looking back, and the confronting your day-to-day problems and tendencies that made you want to drink in the first place start. Oy. But, it’s part of staying sober and happy — and drinkin’ is just not going to fix any of it.

      Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to you, too! Thanks for reading…xx

  3. facingfactsaboutmyself December 26, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

    I so glad to find you alive, well and sober on this side of the holidays! Well done to you! You do inspire me. Take care Paul.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl December 28, 2012 at 1:31 am #

      Thanks, Paul! I couldn’t have done it without your support. This little blogospere community is very special to me. Happy (sober) New Year to you! Hope you’re healing well, body, face, and spirit. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


I got sober. Life got big.

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

parking lot pushups

Because I will be stronger.

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Life Out of the Box

Buy a product, help a person in need + see your impact.

Laurie Works

Intuitive Tarot Guidance

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol


Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend


the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park


-Postcards from The Cauldron

Guitars and Life

Blog about life by a music obsessed middle aged recovering alcoholic from South East England


A woman's journey to happiness and health

Sober Identity

#Life Coach #50+ Years #Striving #Thriving #Emerge: Growing From Addiction-Starter's Guide" #AfterRehabCoaching


This site is about hope, trauma, hypocrisy, and transformation.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

married to an alcoholic

life with an alcoholic husband

Life Unbuzzed

Rowing my sober boat gently down the stream


Original Goal: 100 Days of Sobriety - New Goal: 200 Days

Sober Grace

Finding and practicing grace in recovery

Mended Musings

Healing, Feeling, Thriving

Brandy Shock Treatment

Therapy for an alcoholic

Stinkin' Thinkin'

muckraking the 12-step industry

Sober Politico

Young and Sober, Surrounded by Egos and Alcohol

Carrie On Sober

A blog to help keep me on the right track...

My Healing Recovery

Healing from the inside

The Sober Journalist

A blog about quietly getting sober


My Desire for a New and Better Life

Arash Recovery

My journey to get back on my feet


Mixed-up, Mashed-up, Mished-up.

The Party Doesn't Leave the Girl

a memoir of


I'm not really here.

Below Her Means

a little of everything.


There are no coincidences.

The Red Sox Saved My Life

A peek into the recovery of another drunk.


Just another site

The Existential Addict

One choice at a time...

Al K Hall-ic Anonymous

Get With The Program.


How gratitude has helped me stay sober, "one day at a time."

Living Life In Control

A journey into taking control of life and seeing what's on the other side of the mountain

A Life Less Scripted

Adventure Travel

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

%d bloggers like this: