Just a note to say…17 weeks sober and rockin’ on

8 Feb

11:06 pm

17 weeks (119 days) yesterday. And counting… 😉

And, which I’ll write about tomorrow, I don’t feel possessed anymore by the illusion that drinking will “make it better.” HOLY CRAP! Faith, is all I can say, is the only thing that got me to this point. I’m glad I didn’t drink the past few weeks, I sure wanted to. I’m glad I stuck it out because, you know what? I’m seeing subtle–yet hugely impacting–changes in my attitude toward work.

I feel motivated, and I have done nothing consciously to change–my healing brain is doing all the work, I think. The other day, my spinal analysis doctor told me (well, reminded me) that the body, and especially the spine, will heal and regulate its healing ON ITS OWN. Sure, it needs help when it’s overwhelmed (like, back problems and disease), but in essence, we don’t have to do anything but let it do what it was meant to do for us. That’s pretty miraculous, actually.

I feel like that’s what’s happening with me, now–FINALLY. I’ve been feeling so impossibly frustrated by my lack of ambition the past six months (well, since I got sober), but now, I see that with continuous, subtle enhancements to my mood, my stability of mind, and my focus (i.e., my head is not filled with regret about what I did while drunk OR cravings for wine around every turn)–anything is possible. Maybe even getting back to where I was: accomplished, energetic, confident.

I have a road race tomorrow–5-something miles. Oy. AND, I have to get up at about 5 am to make it to the starting line by 7. At least my fear of getting up that early SO trumps the small it’s-Friday-I-deserve-a-glass-of-wine voice in my head that there is no question about what to do next: go to bed.

Thanks for your support, sober friends. I could not have gotten here without you!

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15 Responses to “Just a note to say…17 weeks sober and rockin’ on”

  1. Sandee February 9, 2013 at 4:41 am #

    Good luck on the race!

    • Drunky Drunk Girl February 10, 2013 at 11:39 pm #

      Thanks, Sandee!!! (It’s over now, and I’m still beat. I can’t wait until the actual race–yesterday was a “tune-up”–when I can stop pretending that I’m a long-distance runner.)

  2. Belle (Tired2012) February 9, 2013 at 9:37 am #

    yippee yippee yippee yahoo 🙂 i think the changes ARE very small sometimes, and if we don’t write them down or articulate them in some way, they’re at risk of being swept away in a wave of ‘oh fuck can’t i drink yet?’ … i love coming to your blog and seeing genius like this. it sets me up (too) to have a good day. and to run. there. you’re inspired me. again. 🙂

    • madwomyn February 9, 2013 at 1:46 pm #

      As a reader who has been on this journey with you I must say I can even see the subtle changes. : ) I enjoy your blog very much and your story has helped me stay on my path. Hearing your story, which is so much like mine, and reading the other great sober blogs out there has been my main support. With 50(plus 40 before a slip) days with no wine I too feel clearer, more motivated, and feel like my brain is working better. I don’t miss the regrets, the feeling sick or the extra calories spent recklessly on booze. Have a great run and
      c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s on your continued success!!!!

      • Drunky Drunk Girl February 10, 2013 at 11:48 pm #

        Congratulations to you!!! 50 + 40 = 90! 🙂 Really, that’s SO great. I had a really hard time the second time around (had 60 days then slipped, then 5 weeks, then slipped), so this is amazing work on your part. I know, I love the other blogs–lifesavers as far as I’m concerned.

        Thanks for being on this journey with me. And, one thing I’ve noticed is just how whiney I was back when I started this blog (and um, up until very recently)! Haha. Oh, well, at least no one *heard* me whining, they just had to read me whining.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl February 10, 2013 at 11:45 pm #

      YES! That’s why I journal like the pedantic insane person that I am, and why I try to write this down via a blog–it helps me like sleep helps memory. Locks the stray parts into place. Helps me move forward. Keeps the sober car rolling.

      Thanks for YOUR genius (No, *you* are!). Ahh…running. I’ve actually been feeling a painful tingling/numbness in my legs past 24 hours, and pinching back pain, so…gotta figure out what to do about that. BUT, yeah, running is…sort of cool…in a masochistic kind of way! 😉

  3. carrythemessage February 9, 2013 at 3:51 pm #

    Amazing thing how we heal, on the inside out. For me, it was spiritual shift that brought on a mental, emotional and of course the physical healing. It’s incredible what our bodies can take on (the liver heals itself? are you kidding?) and even more how we can recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and spirit. My emotions ran all over the place for the first three months, and I was always tired for a while. It’s like we have hit the reset switch and all our inborn “software” is readjusting and rebooting. Sans alcohol.

    congrats on your sobriety time! And of course it only gets better!

    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • Drunky Drunk Girl February 10, 2013 at 11:54 pm #

      I KNOW. (Though, I’ve been feeling like my liver is tender off and on lately, which scares me. I try to make smoothies with milk thistle–milk thistle took the edge of my worst hangovers.) Anyhoo, it’s hard for me to even articulate it all–is it a spiritual shift? I think so, in essence. It’s a “coming back in tune” with my inner higher being, I think is how I’d put it for me. Like, taking myself back, taking my divinity as a human being back. How FAR I extended myself! How MUCH I let others have and hold and potentially dangerously or nonchalantly wield MY power when I was drunk!

      So, yeah, all this is readjusting, and I think I hid a lot of my emotional and physical (all interrelated anyway) pain by drinking all the time and now…it’s coming out. It hurts. I can only do what I’ve been doing, though, which is to continue to hope and have faith that it will get better/improve/dissipate. And, yeah, I guess that is newfound spirituality, as before, I never would have had the patience or sustained energy to harbor any kind of real honest-to-goodness, walking-in-the-dark-without-a-stick faith. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and your excellent comments!

  4. Al K Hall February 10, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    Inspirational, DDD! So glad to hear sobriety is working its magic on you. It’s a wonderful place to be at.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl February 11, 2013 at 12:00 am #

      Thanks, Al! Glad to have you in my corner! And yes, working its magic…

  5. michelle February 13, 2013 at 4:54 am #

    Wonderful, wonderful!! (both the sobriety AND the ambition!).

    XO, lady.

  6. Drunky Drunk Girl February 18, 2013 at 4:03 am #

    Thanks, Michelle!!!

  7. isabellini April 28, 2013 at 8:48 pm #

    Hi

    this is really interesting, I will be 17 weeks sober tomorrow, and it really has been a roller coaster, but i am so happy to be here and to have got so far.

    but, what has been disappointing and frustrating has been my inability to write, which is what i thought i would be able to do again straight away. i just havent had the focus, and it is a bit worrying because maybe it will never come back.

    anyway, i suppose its just early days after a life time of booze and all that entails.

    good luck and keep up the good work.

    • Drunky Drunk Girl May 2, 2013 at 2:47 pm #

      Thank you! Oy, my issues with writing go so far and wide and deep! LOL. I, too, fear that it’s left me, but, the longer I am sober, the more I am able to write with more clarity, if anything. And, I am hopeful. I really am. It just takes time, and patience, and sitting through the blank stare of the page and the stumbling words. Or, put it away for a while and KNOW that it will come back. Soon.

      I had the hardest time from 90 days to…about 18 or 20 weeks. This time, I’ll know what to look out for!

      xx

      -DDG

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