Unicorns and glitter balls all around!

3 Apr

1:11 am

So, I’m on day 15–actually, just finished my 15th day sober. For the fourth time. (Starting last June, I went 60 days, then 5 weeks, then (cringe) almost 6 months). And, you know what? Unicorns and glitter balls all around!

I’m going to take deep breaths more often this time. I’m going to celebrate my milestones, instead of gritting my teeth as they rush by. And I think that, while it’s going to be more difficult (that slip really dislodged the little voice in my head that is still on repeat somewhere, telling me that I can drink one day), it’s going to be more meaningful. How? Well…I think it’s simply getting back to believing the OTHER voice again, the one that says that I don’t want to drink. That is going to simply take work. Not necessarily commitment, or passion, or pink clouds, or planning or willpower. Just hard work. And, while it scares me a little to feel so…well, like, the tip of the pencil is dull and I want to stop writing, put it down, and look around; I know I can get back into the mindset again.

Anyway, yeah. Life is moving ahead. Job searching, grad school applying. I got back on the running horse today and did an easy 4 miles. I hurt my left foot the weekend before last on my long 7-miler. It’s taken over a week to “heal,” and it felt great to get back on the trail. The foot hurt a bit in the last mile today (like, felt inflamed), so I’m going to go back to my old shoes on the next run, see if the support might be better. If you want to train down here, though, beyond a few miles, you can’t really avoid going up and down the volcanic hills at some point…and pound-pound-pounding down them. Yet, all was well up until I got these new shoes, which SEEM to be a better fit, but maybe simply aren’t? Anyhoo…it’s a great incentive for me to stay sober; I associate running with sobriety, and the hard work taking it back; something that relies on my sobriety (and maybe vice versa).

So, yes, rewards. Treats. Celebratory high-fives with myself. Heck, let’s throw in some unicorn parades and glitter balls, too!

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8 Responses to “Unicorns and glitter balls all around!”

  1. risingwoman April 3, 2013 at 12:23 pm #

    I remember that when I was first sober, I so enjoyed little ‘rewards’. I had always rewarded myself with a glass (oh, who am I kidding? A bottle) of wine, so I liked exploring other small treats.

    At this time, I discovered a serious passion for lipstick. I bought a lipstick as a little present for myself maybe twice a month. God, I had the BEST lipstick selection of anyone outside of a Hollywood makeup artist 😉 I also discovered that flowers, gourmet coffee, manicures, massages and good books are all awesome.

    Enjoy the treats!!

    • Drunky Drunk Girl April 3, 2013 at 2:05 pm #

      Aww…thanks for this! Lipstick…that is AWESOME. Manicures, massages, books, all fabulous!

  2. carrythemessage April 3, 2013 at 1:27 pm #

    Great post – love the energy. I think you are right about breathing, and taking it chill. I think that taking the pressure off is important…being kind and gentle to ourselves, and yet knowing that there is work to be done is a great balance. You certainly have positive things going on in your life, even if they are a bit uncertain, but are things that you are striving for. You have goals. And that is critical, as even though we need to be self-aware and have a little bit of navel gazing in recovery, we stop drinking so we can live. And live well, regardless of the circumstances. So enjoy where you’re at, stop and take in the view, and move on. That is something I have to remind myself too 🙂

    Love and light,
    Paul

    • Drunky Drunk Girl April 3, 2013 at 11:44 pm #

      Thanks, Paul. Lovely comment! I think it’ll be a lot easier to enjoy it this time around, since I’m pretty well-practiced at not drinking AND, well, the cravings and all the mental anguish/fear (the “now what?”) has subsided substantially. Though, tonight…it was hard to pour the remaining liquor (there has been booze in the house the whole time I’ve been sober, I never poured it ALL out) down the drain. Will blog about that soon.

      Love having you on my side, and helping to prop up this sobersphere! xx

  3. Lisa Neumann April 3, 2013 at 8:12 pm #

    Super ditto to the post and the replies. Was thinking of passing on a comment, but what the heck … you’re stuck with me. And I have something totally profound to ask. WTF is a glitter ball? Is that a disco ball or dried up glitter glue that was first rolled into a ball? This is important. I hate being out of the loop.

    Again, replying after Paul. Arggghhh …. I love you Paul.

    Anyhoo, (to quote you). You sound great. Just wanted to wave my unicorn flag and let you know I think about you every day. I’m a sucker for success.

    LoLL (Lots of Love, Lisa)

    • Drunky Drunk Girl April 3, 2013 at 11:39 pm #

      Hahaha. I dunno *exactly* what a glitter ball is, but it resembles a firecracker being projected out of my unicorn’s horn (said unicorn, is, as you might recall, pulling my water wagon). If I throw one at you, or someone else, it’s just a mini-party or tiny-dance coming your way, popping and then exploding into a shower of glitter, and then out. Just cuz, well, you’re awesome, why wouldn’t you deserve a glitter ball?

      You’ll love tonight’s (or next day) post; it’s all about me re-committing to being sober. I feel like I’ve just come way too far, mentally; living without a crutch, a crutch that has the almost-certainty of becoming a prison, is how I want to live. Giving up drinking is just part of that process…I think. Feel sort of nervous about it, like, can I really, REALLY do this? Yes, I can. New goal is, of course, 30, but then 90 again, and then…180. Sept. 14th.

      Thanks for your support, Lisa! *glitter ball*

  4. Lilly April 10, 2013 at 3:14 am #

    One week… no posts. Are you ok? And can I get your email for future checking in? If you dont’ feel like blogging email me at onetoomany1 at g mail dot come

    Hope you’re doing ok babe?

    Lilly xo

    • Drunky Drunk Girl April 10, 2013 at 2:00 pm #

      I am I am I am!!! Thanks for checking in. And, yes, I’ve been meaning to join Team 100 (officially, I guess), and get in touch with Belle via email.

      Will write/blog more later. I think my email connected to this blog is [redacted] (obvs, not my real name, but will keep it anonymous for now…).

      Thanks for checking in. Day 23 today. 🙂

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