I’m still here, and still feeling swamped. I’ve cut back from 60-hour work weeks to 40–but, now I’ve got a few trips coming up that I need to prepare for.
I have literally done ZERO blogging or writing, really, since this spring. Alas, all in due time, right?
I think about this blog, and my sobriety, a lot. As often as I used to, but in different ways. I almost never crave a drink–it helped to work through the slips, my last one being last year. Since then, I have been too tired, focused, or busy to contemplate drinking; but I never really do anyway, or at least haven’t since last year. Drinking is…something that I once did, but don’t have any reason, desire, or need to do again.
It’s been four years; it feels ingrained, and it should feel ingrained, after all the work I put into ingraining it, right?! Plus, thanks to my slips–which, and I’ve said this already, were some of the most educational aspects to my journey toward sobriety/recovery–I know that alcohol no longer works on my brain. I’ve accepted that. I haven’t tested those waters for a long time (a year), so maybe I’ve just forgotten to wonder, could I drink again? It’s all so meta, and I’ve been so busy lately, that it’s easier to just say, You don’t drink anymore and you never will again, and be done with it.
Plus, not drinking has made being a part-time barista actually doable! And for that, I am (was–I just quit for a while) grateful every morning I have to get up and go to the shop. In fact, I relish that I CAN do it. I don’t want to sometimes, and it pays shit, but… I do it because I can–and I so couldn’t do something like get up at 4:30, and be happy about it, and never once be late in two years, when I was drinking!? It’s that ability to do things because you can that’s become a huge part of my sobriety, and which continues to open up and bloom. I love it. I love being sober, four years-plus on.
So, I’m off to do yoga and hit the hay so I can make it through yet another long four days before I can take a break. Hoping all are well, and staying strong and positive. You can do this–no matter what anyone else thinks, does, or says! Just focus on YOU.