Do what you want, and do it now

24 Sep

10:53 pm

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted–per usual; I have never been so busy in my entire life, it seems, with work!  BUT, I wanted to get this quick one in because well, it can’t wait:

Someone in my family unexpectedly, and rather unceremoniously, DIED this morning, and it was quite shocking!?  It IS quite shocking.  I mean, one minute you’re doing something in the back yard, the next minute, you’re dead.

Your big, huge, amazing life–the one that you spent countless hours trying to live, to not live, to outsmart, to hack, to tweak, to overhaul, to fill and fill and fill–is gone.  In an instant.  And no one really cares that much; no one outside the people who knew him, or you, or her.  (I mentioned it on a work call, because I was a bit blown away, and my colleagues were like, Ohhh, I’m sorry; and by the next split second, they were laughing about something, and we had all moved on.  The momentous event–the most important event of your life, I might say–of his death was left behind, dissolved in memory even as my mouth was still hot from breathing it.)

What did I conclude, then, today, as I felt alternately sad, angry, and well, selfishly pained for my own self, imagining a similar loss that will one day happen to me, and how it might rip me to shreds?  Well, one, don’t waste time on bad people.  You and only you get to make the call as to what that means, but to me, it means toxic people, or people who don’t want to help themselves.  Two, do what you want, and do it now.  It’s as simple as that.

Do what you want, and do it now!

I had an interview today that put me further than ever on what I think I want to be my new path–a career change into the nonprofit world.  Pretty happy about that, actually.  And, we done gave our notice weeks ago, so we’re definitely packing up a trailer of stuff and towing it to our next home in November–a place that we have yet to determine, but will probably have things like water, and trees, blue and green…and humidity, sweet Jesus, humidity!?

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6 Responses to “Do what you want, and do it now”

  1. Adrian September 25, 2018 at 8:37 am #

    I’m really sorry about your losing your person. Sending you warmth and hugs.

  2. Ainsobriety September 25, 2018 at 10:36 am #

    I am so sorry for your loss.
    Our society does not really know how to deal with grief…or anger, fear or any other not positive feeling.
    But here you are, remembering him. Writing about him. Grieving him.
    That’s beautiful and important.

    Hugs. Take care of yourself.
    Anne

  3. justsober September 25, 2018 at 10:39 pm #

    So sorry for your loss…very sad. You just never know when your time here on earth is up….you are so right about doing it now. My husband has these moments often, as he is a nurse and often see these all of sudden deaths…all ages, all different spectrums of health. But we get caught up with the craziness of life and forget how fragile and fleeting it is. Thanks for sharing your post. Makes me want to… not waste another day drinking poison aka alcohol

  4. shehidbehindtheglass September 26, 2018 at 5:10 pm #

    I’m sorry to hear of your loss. Good luck on your new job prospect and move!

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